My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."
Where did Sally go during the bombings? Everywhere!
Why didn’t the parents bother looking for her? Because she was in the front and back yard in small chunks! 😂
My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"
Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"
Hey Gwen, listen, I know you're on this app, fake or not. I love you either way. Please find this faker and finish her off for what she's done, real Gwen.
*You're a real best Gwen*
Women be like, "Don't say that about her genitals," then makes fun of men's genitals.
Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.
Your mom's so fat, Donald Trump built the wall around her.
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
Farrah Fawcett, upon arriving at the pearly gates, God asked her, for having led such an honest life, to grant her one wish. Farrah simply requested that the children of the world would be safe.
Five hours later, Michael Jackson died.
Your momma is so old, when she went to the antique store, they wouldn't let her leave.
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.
Yo mama so ugly,
they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.
Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
Yo mama so fat, she could fly a hot air balloon by letting out her gas.
What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?
"I'm not a-moosed right now."
