Herring jokes

What do you do when you see a lady in a wheelchair?

You grab a stick and put it through the wheelchair and call her nunchucks.

Yo mama so fat, she could fly a hot air balloon by letting out her gas.

Yo mama so stupid, she shoved a battery up her butt and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"

Yo mama so hairy, her knuckles have sideburns.

Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her on Halloween.

Yo mama so hairy, she braids her elbows.

Your momma is so old, when she went to the antique store, they wouldn't let her leave.

My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.

Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes and lifted up her dress. They had some fun.

But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high, grabbed Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? She can wash her crack and resell it.

My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"

Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"

If there was a girl and a boy and the boy fell, what did the boy do to the girl?

He fell for her.

This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.

Where did Sally go during the bombings? Everywhere!

Why didn’t the parents bother looking for her? Because she was in the front and back yard in small chunks! 😂

Your mom's so fat, Donald Trump built the wall around her.