Herring jokes

A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"

The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."

The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"

The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."

The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"

The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.

Why did the fly fly?

Because the spider spied her!

What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?

They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”

Yo mama so ugly,

my screen cracked when she took her photo!

Yo mama so ugly,

they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.

A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.

Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”

What do you do when you see a lady in a wheelchair?

You grab a stick and put it through the wheelchair and call her nunchucks.

Yo mama so fat, she could fly a hot air balloon by letting out her gas.

Yo mama so stupid, she shoved a battery up her butt and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"

Yo mama so hairy, her knuckles have sideburns.

Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her on Halloween.

Yo mama so hairy, she braids her elbows.

Your momma is so old, when she went to the antique store, they wouldn't let her leave.

My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.

Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes and lifted up her dress. They had some fun.

But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high, grabbed Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? She can wash her crack and resell it.