Her jokes

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock?

She started her period.

Yo mama so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.

Yo mama is so fat, her blood type is Nutella.

Yo mama so fat, she has her own event horizon.

Yo mama so fat, her blood type is mayonnaise.

Yo mama so fat, NASA has a satellite orbiting around her.

Yo mama so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner--and she looked.

Yo mama is so fat, a rogue shadowstepped her and got a loading screen.

Yo mama is so fat, it takes two warlocks to summon her.

Yo mama is so fat, she takes her selfies in panoramic mode.

Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.

How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to straighten her pubic hair and burned her balls.

Yo mama so fat, you must refuel twice to run over her with a car.

An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."

A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"

The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"

The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."