Heart Jokes

My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Everyone has cracks in them, mines just in my heart and not my ass.

Why does the heart ♥️ listen to music 🎶 a lot? Because it loves feeling the beat.

What’s the difference between blood and an orphan? Blood has a place in all of our hearts.

*JMC* ANOMALY-931 "Gwen" Idenification: just a stupid animal. with a big ass heart

I love trash bags cause they remind me of my heart.... black

Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".

The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".

The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"

My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.

Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush

ME: Knock knock. MY GRANDMA: Who’s there?

ME: Interrupting cow.

MY GRANDMA:Interrupting c- Dies from heart attack

Everyone has a good heart they just don't know what to do with it. I say give some one some love. Hate is soooooo stupid love is soooo smart!

me: breath right now if u wanna date me

if u text ur crush and they leave u on read, just know that read has four letters. yk what also has four letters? mine. so that basically means that you are theirs. :)

My heart broke as I went down up the stairs and my girlfriend broke her ♥️ heart

The Breakfast Couples: (Bacon)-Don't go bacon my heart (Egg)-I couldn't if I fried

Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually."

little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor