Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.
Heard Jokes
Ever heard of ligma? Ligma ba--
Why can't orphans really play baseball?
Because when they do, all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.
Bully: Have you ever heard of a brain?
Stupid kid: No.
Bully: You should go get one!
Stupid kid: Wwwwaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.
May he rest in pizza.
I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the ๐ love of your life!๐
And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!
Comment those numbers to lock it in!!๐
One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.
I heard that the World Orphan Organization has a sponsor... DC Comics.
Have you heard anything about this Chuck Norris guy? Yeh, me neither.
I get paid more than $200 to $400 per hour for working online. I heard about this job 3 months ago, and after joining this, I have earned easily $30k from this without having online working skills. Simply give it a shot on the accompanying site...
Here is I started.............>> fixpay1.blogspot.com
"Do you have a noose?"
"Nose?"
"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."
"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"
"No."
*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*
One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.
No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.
His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Hereโs your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: Thatโs not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: Thatโs it, little baby Jimmy, Iโm giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please donโt hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: Iโm secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
Funniest Roblox Names I've heard:
ButtNugget123
Lil_RAT (user is actually Sillyowlbunny200)
baddasscarrot44
EggnogRat44
I heard a motivational quote saying faith can move mountains, but faith cannot move your receding hairline.
Why do orphans have no sense of humor?
I guess they've never heard a dad joke.
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say that F was the villain (Alphabet Lore), I would be rich.
So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!
When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"
