Hawking jokes
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite line in Rambo?
"Don't push me."
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
R. I. P. Roll in Peace.
What motorway lane does Stephen Hawking use?
Hard shoulder.
How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?
Go to the junkyard.
Stephen Hawking was incredible at poker, he had no tell whatsoever.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite dance move? The worm.
What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."
Why did Stephen Hawking cross the street?
He didn’t; he never did.
How does Stephen Hawking get clean?
He uses Tesco car wash.
In 2011, Stephen Hawking said God didn’t exist.
In 2018, God said Stephen Hawking didn’t exist. xx 😂😂
What do you get when you light Stephen Hawking on fire? A fried PC.
What happened to Stephen Hawking after he reached Heaven?
Nothing yet. He is still struggling to get up the stairway to Heaven.
Why are batteries quicker than Stephen Hawking?
Because they can run out.
What did Stephen Hawking's mum say to him when he asked for £10?
"You can take a run and jump!"
What did Stephen Hawking say—I mean, type—when he saw a beautiful woman?
"That's the best shag I never had."
Why did Stephen Hawking's girlfriend finish with him? Because he would never walk her home.
When does Stephen Hawking cross the road?
When it says "DON'T WALK."
Why does everyone think Stephen Hawking is drunk?
Because he can't even walk.
Stephen Hawking can't walk the walk or talk the talk.
If half of Stephen Hawking's house was painted red and half was painted blue, what color were the stairs?
He didn't have any.