Have To Jokes

I wanted to tell a commie a joke about food, but he’d have to wait 10 years to get it.

How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.

The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!

Is "butt check" one word, or do I have to spread it?

As an honest Penaldo fan, I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona.

I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.

A man was taking a child into a dark forest.

The child said, "I'm scared!"

The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

What did one skeleton say to the other?

Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"

Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)

Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."

Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"

Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"

A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."

Why did the orphan have to eat his cereal with water?

Because his dad never came back with the milk.

It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"

Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.

I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.

Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.

Why do pedos hate corona? Because they have to stay two meters away from children. 😈

My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?

When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.

Yo mama so fat, when she falls, they have to call 999 and a crane to pick her up.

"We can't go over it, we can't go under it. Oh no, we'll have to go through it!"

Figure: Who wants to play hide and seek?

Seek and Hide: Me.

Figure: Okay, hide and I will hide and Seek will be it.

Seek: Why do I have to be it?

Figure: Because your name says so.