Have To jokes

The orphan turned 18, but he was happy because he didn't have to pay rent to his parents.

Why do more men than women support abortion? So they can keep raping women and the victims will just abort their kids to not have to relive the experience!

How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.

I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.

You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."

I have to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.

I intern at an orphanage that burned down this weekend with 30 kids inside.

Thankfully, I don’t have to call and tell their parents.

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

You have to be a good mom to be a MILF.

My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”

The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.

I hope you have to dip your Oreos in water because your dad never came back with the milk.

I would make a rape joke, but I'd have to force it down your throat.

Badminton: Your breath is so bad that you have to take a mint before you go on Fortnite.

I'm so poor I have to put my Big Mac burger on layaway.

In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.

You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.

Running out of time to cut the grass, may have to cut it short.