This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This morning I was having a conversation with my ex boyfriend about reincarnation I said to him if you could come back in the next life as anything what would you come back as and he thought about it for a minute and says a tree that way everybody can look at me and admire me. Then he says the same thing to me I started thinking about it when these two sexy half naked studs walked by one was a jock the other on his bicycle I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat but knowing my luck I'll come back as a tampon
There are two kids sitting in a classroom Lily and john Lily sleeps in class everyday.The teacher asks lily who made heaven and earth john pokes her with a pencil she shouts JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY teacher says that's right the teacher says the next day she asks the same question john pokes her with a pencil she shouts JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY that's right the teacher says next day she asks lily what did Eve say to adam after their 100th john pokes her again IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME IMMA BREAK IT IN HALF she shouts.
What do u call a person with only one arm? Half-assed
why are half of the orphans blind? cuz they cant find there parents
A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender I m here to assassinate John Tucker. The bartender replies he’s in the restroom. The hit man goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour. The bartender asks him did u kill him? The hitman replies with a sad face “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour and when I asked him what’s taking him so long he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started”.
IF a person walks off a hundred foot cliff and half way down screams why did I do that. Then a second person walks off the same one hundred foot cliff and screams the same verse "why did I do that," then another person walks off the cliff and screams the same line" why did I do that" and the next person the same thing. What do you call that? (Stupid People)
Why did the priest go to the clothing sale at Walmart? He heard that little boy's pants were half off
What does this joke and half a deck of cards have in common?
You can't even deal with it!
What is 8 divided by 2? Answer: 3 (you cut 8 in half)
The Coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit.
Dumb kid: What does homework mean?
Teacher: J0K35? (J0K35 is me btw) can you explain to DK what homework means please?
Me:
Half Of My Existence Wasted On Random Knowledge
My wife said she wanted to leave me she said it’s because of the abuse but really she’s the one abusing herself by drinking alcohol and got positioning the next day this shows almost half of the woman’s population is weak both physical and mentally
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.
"My paternal uncle died three months ago."
"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My maternal uncle died two months ago."
"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My father died last month."
"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"
When u split Uranus in half is ur-anus. That's why it's has a buts joke. Weird
Knock, Knock Who's There Covid Covid-Who The thing that killed half a billion people
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
what do u a call finding a half of worm? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh moan for me
i scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now i own her, only 3.99 with tax. Thats a steal and a half woopeeee!
