say eye, smell map, say ness. (I am a penis!) HA HA!
"Confucius say, man who has mosquito on balls truly understands nonviolence."
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
What's worse than having a comedian as president? Having a president that has dementia.
Why can't an orphan be friends with Dom toretto?
Dom doesn't have friends he has "family"
Have you ever seen a blind man swim?
Neither has he.
Isn't it strange that the LGBTQ flag only has straight lines?
What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?
Vin Diesel actually has family.
What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse? One of them has someone to mourn them.
At least he always has a shoulder to cry on.
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.
What does E.T. stand for ? Because he has little legs.
What does S.H. stand for ? He doesn't.
What does S.H. stand for ? Shit happens.
One day a man dies and goes to heaven. He gets there and sees a bunch of clocks. He asks Jesus, "Hey, what are the clocks for?" Jesus replies, "They move every time you sin." "This is Mother Teresa's, it has not moved so she has not sinned." "This one is Abraham Lincoln's, it has moved twice so he sinned twice." The man asks, "Where is Joe Biden's?" Jesus replies, "It's in my office-- I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.
As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.
My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."
"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
What do you call someone who has sex with foals, calves, and lambs? A Quadrupedophile.
What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed?
Ground beef.
what has only on sense of style
an emo girl
The average French car has 7 gears, 6 of which are in reverse mode just in case the Germans come back.
