Grief jokes

What do you call an orphan family? None existent.

It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"

Why did the orphan wait in line?

To see their parents next.

Why are most dark jokes about orphans?

They can't complain to their parents.

Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell them to clap until their parents come home.

- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.

- How did the gay person die? Homicide.

- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.

- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.

- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.

- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.

- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.

So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.

Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."

And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"

Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"

Why did Jimmy throw the clock out the window? Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who knife-raped his wife.

My grief counselor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.

It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.