Grief Jokes

A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.

"My paternal uncle died three months ago."

"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

"My maternal uncle died two months ago."

"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

"My father died last month."

"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"

At an orphan's funeral, you say, "Your dad came back."

Why do orphans not like the iPhone 11 Pro?

A: Because it doesn't have a home button.

Stop, orphan joke!

What does "off-limits" have in common with dead people? They can’t see their family.

Teacher: Anyone missing?

Orphan: My parents.

Teacher: Something that is real, kid.

Orphan: My family.

Teacher: OMG, out of my classroom, kid!

Why did the orphan kill himself?

How do you break an orphan's wall in their room in the orphanage?

Tell them to put a tally on the wall with a pen for every second their parents are missing.

Girl: Rip, mother, I love you.

Me: Sorry for your loss.

Girl: Stop, I have a boyfriend.

Me: Stop, I have a mother.

Why are orphans good at math? Because they can subtract their parents from the family.

Kid: Your mom!

Orphan: (cries)

My friend's mom died, and he also died in a crash.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Charlie.

Charlie who?

Charlie Brown! Good grief!

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion.

"What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job," replied the Priest.

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, next I can become Bishop," said the Priest.

"Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi.

"If I work real hard and do a good job as Bishop, it's possible for me to become an Archbishop," said the Priest.

"O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi.

The Priest, beginning to get a bit exasperated, replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal."

"And then?" asked the Rabbi.

The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope."

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Good grief!" shouted the Priest. "What do you expect me to become, GOD?"

"Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"

UHH, DADDY!

Why does an orphan cry when we say "ur mom?"

Because they have no mom.

Why can't an orphan see their parents? Because there is mayo in his dick hole.

What is the difference between you and me? I have parents and yours left...

Why do orphans prefer trucks? Because, unlike their parents, it is different.

Why do orphans not play baseball?

Because they can't make a home run.