Grand jokes

Your hairline is so bad even Ariana Grande stopped singing because of it.

Your lips are so big, it turns the Grand Canyon sideways.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds.

An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: "You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I'll let you live. If you don't, I'll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive."

But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happened to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell me where the loot is, I'll shoot him here and now." Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: "He said, 'You don't have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.'"

Geowipp Grand Prize. And the CHOICE OF FOOD IS INSANE. We love him and we love him.

August is a guy from one of the shops, and we became a sundwich durk through Habin. We have GOT GO GO, IT WAS GRAT. That's why. But we don't do everything.

How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?

4

Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no.

Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?”

“Under my bench,” he replies.

There are 2 dads and 2 sons. They all caught a fish.

Why did they only come home with 3 fish?

(Answer)

There were a grand-dad, dad, and son.

If you don't get it, then it means grand father is the dad to the dad (1 dad). Dad is the dad for the son and a son for the grandfather. Get it?

When Ariana Grande walked into the church, she said, "GOD IS A WOMAN!"

Ariana Grande agrees with me on something: women belong in the kitchen and bedroom.

I like looking at BDSM Ariana Grande :)

What's the difference between the Grand Canyon and a blonde?

The Grand Canyon is a busy ditch.

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

What does a skeleton call their great-grandparents?

A fossil.

What is the best feeling for an orphan when he plays Grand Theft Auto?

When he is wanted!

Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"

He turns, he shoots!

And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...

I should name my dog Ariana Grande.

That way I could say that I fucked Ariana Grande.

What do you call an otter video game that is about robbing?-

Grand Theft Otter!