Get jokes
What happens when a frog's car breaks down?
It gets toad away!
Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!
What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?
She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.
Your mama is so stupid she stayed up all night so she can get some sleep.
An orphan walks into a shop but gets lost, so he calls his mum but then remembers.
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"If we don't get some support soon, people will start to think we are balls."
There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.
Dark humor is like food:
Not everyone gets it.
Or a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
I'd make a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy. I know y'all have too thick of a crust to get it!
How did Hitler get killed?
With a "NEIN" millimeter.
How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.
What is the difference between an Apple and an orphan?
The apples get picked.
Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!
Why does Yoda like to get molested? Because he likes the Force.
Every time a Light Saber goes off, it's just a Jedi Master getting hard over a kid. Lol.
What do your BF and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both never get erect.
Time to go to New York to visit the Twin Towers.
They’re already getting closer.
What is something feminists crave but will never get? Semen.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.
We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?
Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.