Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...
A piece of cake.
You know you’re getting fat when you sit in the bath and the water in the bath rises.
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
He only took a day off.
My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.
My wife is so fat, she gets weighed on the Richter scale.
when people say they get ho's: you dont get no ho's the only ho's you get is in yo draws
I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
Dark humour is like water not everyone gets it
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
How do you get away with rape and incest in California?
Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.
teacher: Jeff why did you throw a paper plane a the twins? Jeff: you wouldn't get it miss
What do you say to the orphan Shut up get a mom and dad
What do apple trees and orphans have in common? The apples get picked
Me: "Hey, get my joke on that timeline."
Her: "No."
Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale the scale said: OOOWWWWW!!!! Get of me you overweight bucket of lard.
The kid in the wheelchair was getting bullied so I encouraged him to stand up for himself idk why he started crying
What do you get when you cross breed a bear with a retarded person?
A feminist (a hairy and brainless beast).
Why did the orphan get iPhone 14 for his birthday because it has no home button
