Teacher: Why did you throw paper airplanes at the twin sisters?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
Get Jokes
What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?
9:11 AM
Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.
Your mama smells so bad that everytime she goes outside, she gets ticketed for pollution. She's so ugly that everytime she looks out a window, she gets arrested for mooning.
Your mama is so fat.
She steps on the scales. She has to return in a couple days to get the results.
Your mama is so fat, I had to look twice to get a first impression.
Your mama is so fat. She gets winded just thinking about running.
Your mama is so ugly! It took your dad 15 years to return from getting milk.
Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...
A piece of cake.
You know you’re getting fat when you sit in the bath, and the water in the bath rises.
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
He only took a day off.
My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.
My wife is so fat, she gets weighed on the Richter scale.
When people say they get ho's: You don't get no ho's, the only ho's you get is in yo draws.
I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
Dark humor is like water; not everyone gets it.
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
How do you get away with rape and incest in California?
Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.
