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What do you get when you put a clown, a peodophile, a gay wet person?
Answer: YOUR DAD
Why did the royal wedding get more publicity than a school shooting?
Cause a royal wedding doesn't happen once a week.
Why can’t orphans play baseball/softball?
They never get to home!
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common? Firstly, they both went from black to white, and secondly, they both get turned on by kids.
If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."
What's an orphan's favorite sport?
Tennis because it's the only love they'll get.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
To get to the gay kid's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Q: What is it called when a hoe is getting ready for her party but doesn't know what to wear but is thinking about it? A: A thotprosses
Depression is like therapy; the more you see it, the more you get used to it.
Zozo the hobo is single like a Pringle.
Single like a Pringle, and he loves Pringle's, get it?
Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"
I took 7 coins from someone. He even came back from the dead to get them.
Why did the depressed person cross the road?
To get run over.
Why did the hobo cross the road?
To get the rotten donut on the other side.
My mom said to take out the trash bags, so I did. And the next day, my mom asked, "Where are your sisters?" I said, "In line to get crushed."
A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.
They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.
Why can’t orphans get in trouble?
Because there’s no one to give a phone call home to.
How did the chicken get to the other side? He crossed the road and didn't make it.
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
Let's get this right. What's the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg, but you can't beat...