Get jokes
Kid: Mom, do trees poop?
Mom: Yes. That is how we get #2 pencils.
If you think about it, then adoption is the last choice for getting a child, so those who are adopted were the last choice.
Orphans can get away with anything really bad at school, because they can't be sent home for it.
Have you ever had duck sausage? No? How about you duck on down and get yourself some!
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
Orphans and punching bags are almost the same.
They both get hit, but a punching bag is still wanted.
What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?
A dildo.
Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.
A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
So, a guy and his brother were walking in the woods, and his brother said, "It's getting dark out here, can we go home?"
The man said, "I know, think how I will feel walking home tonight!"
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm getting over it.
How do you get a depressed man out of the tree? You cut the rope.
John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up.
If you get it, you get it.
Please read all of it. I know it's long, please read all of it.
This dad heard his daughter praying. As she was praying, she came to an end: "Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad didn't think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning, the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just coincidence, so he carried on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." After he heard "goodbye grandma," his facial expression changed, and he went straight to bed. The next morning, the grandma died out of nowhere. The dad began to worry and continued on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad got scared, so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there. So that's what he did. When he got home the next day, his wife asked where he had been, and he replied back, "Sorry honey, I had a horrible day today." She replied back saying: "Oh, you think you had a bad day? The mailman just died on the front porch this morning!" If you get it, you get it.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
Why does an orphan always try to escape the orphanage?
Because he wants to get money to buy a family since they won't buy him.
Hey everyone, I'm back because I'm sinking back towards depression because my sister is really being a bitch, and my parents always side with her, and the stress over online school is just getting overwhelming, and I'm seriously considering hanging myself to end it all because the pain is just... terrible, and I feel like I'm not worth life.