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What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.

What happened to the frog that parked illegally?

He was toad away.

Get it?

Why does it get hot after a baseball game?

'Cause all the fans have left.

What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?

When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.

People say, "I like your cut G." Which is when you get a fresh cut. But I guess when you go bald, we can say, "Like your forehead, G."

I know it's really, really, really, really bad.

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    • Dad/Mom: Son, you're adopted.

    Son: I know. *holds up daddy's phone that has the text of them talking about it.*

    Dad: Babe, we need to talk.

    Mom: Okay......

    Dad: He's grounded.

    Mom: You're right, you're grounded! Oh, and I'm dumping you.

    Son: Am I getting a new daddy?

    Mom: Soon honey, soon....

    Dad: I really shouldn't have let her know I cheating.

    If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.

    Son: Dad, can I get a girlfriend?

    Dad: Son, no, you are only 10, so no.

    Son: Dad, I'm leaving to get a girlfriend.

    Dad: Son, nooo, you are not my son!

    Son: What did you say? *Son slaps the dad.*

    Dad: Good, son, goodbye, get out of my home.

    Son: Good, you can go move to a new home.

    Keep smearing that make-up around your face, maybe you'll get somewhere with it.

    Why did the number 5 get voted out of the game in the 1st round? Because he was an odd man out!

    My chocolate babe is calling my name, and now I'm about to get my chocolate freak on.

    How is smoking similar to oral sex?

    The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢

    You're so short that you don't have to open the front door to get inside the house.

    Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Cause it got stuck in the crack.

    *If you don't get it, it got stuck in the butt crack.*

    How did Helen Keller get punished?

    Her parents gave her a bomb and told her to eat it.

    So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ my titties, and then I felt a shoe get shoved all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE’S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched, and got smacked in the face. Went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF r u starin at," I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I though this this isnt over motherfucker imma find u and kill u next thing i new i was in the hospital they told me why tf were u fighting a stops sign? I said what u were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign i sad bitchi aint crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka