Germany jokes

You know why Hitler wouldn’t drink whisky? Because it made him angry.

A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.

First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.

When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.

The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.

"Why did you move?" the German asked.

The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."

In America, you have Pop-Tarts. We in Germany here have Toastbrot.

Why don't orphans like Russia and Germany?

Because it's the Mother and Father Land.

Why did Hitler never go to a strip club?

He hated the Poles.

Why was Hitler bad at math?

He could only count to nein.

I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people.

But quite Anne frankly, I'd be lying.

What happens when a furry takes over Nazi Germany?

The Furred Reich.

What did the Nazi say when a doll hit his daughter?

A-doll Hitler!

I kinda feel sorry for Hitler.

Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.

Say what you want about Hitler, at least he got the trains to run on time.

Meaning behind the German flag: 🇩🇪 Black: culture Red: Beer Yellow: Sausage Blue: Winning world wars.

So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.

Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.

The Nazis.

In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.

His father pointed at a map of North America.

"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.

The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.

"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"

The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.

"Where is Germany again, Father?"

He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.

Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."

"Yes?"

"Has Hitler seen this map?"

I was going from Germany to Austria, and I accidentally crossed the border illegally. When the police caught me, they told me I was a Nazi. I asked them, "Why?" They said I didn't see the border.

Hitler is a national hero, he killed Hitler... Oh wait.

How tall does the grass grow in Germany?

Zis high!

What is the one sauce Germans avoid on their steak?

"Ajous".

Why is the Nazi Anthem banned in Germany? Because Horst Wessel lied.