Germany jokes

Hitler isn’t really a bad guy, after all, he did kill Hitler himself.

What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.

I was going from Germany to Austria, and I accidentally crossed the border illegally. When the police caught me, they told me I was a Nazi. I asked them, "Why?" They said I didn't see the border.

Why did Hitler kill himself? He knew the war was over at the beginning.

Hitler was a good man because, after all, he did kill Hitler.

A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.

First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.

When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.

The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.

"Why did you move?" the German asked.

The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."

Hitler was the most handsome man alive.

Everyone died for him.

What did Hitler feel about all the jokes about him? Führereous.

Germany is...

All germs are from GERMany.

So, if Russia was the motherland and Germany was the fatherland, what does that mean?

The Western Front is domestic violence.

My dad killed Hitler.

Q: What is Germany's favorite board game?

A: Nahtzee (Yahtzee).

Germany: As long as America stays out of the war, we should win.

Japan: *bombing Pearl Harbor* Cowabunga It Is!!

In America, you have Pop-Tarts. We in Germany here have Toastbrot.

What was the difference between the Federal Republic of Germany and the German Democratic Republic?

Federal Republic: The harder you work, the more you get.

Democratic Republic: The harder you work, the firmer the handshake and nothing else.

You know the saying, "Third time's the charm?"

Well, Germany lost twice.

What did the German Shepherd dog say to Hitler?

"Mein Führer ist steckenbleiben in meinen Zähnen."

You know why Hitler wouldn’t drink whisky? Because it made him angry.