Free jokes

It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.

Why do they call it America when literally nothing is free?

You're so poor, even the store didn't let you buy anything free.

What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.

What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.

What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.

Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.

I bought a sweater and it started building up static electricity.

So I got another one free of charge.

Planes shouldn't have free Wi-Fi. Why? Because the last time they had free Wi-Fi, well here's what happened...

On September eleventh 2001, (children scream).

"September 11th plane driving classes for free."

What's a convict's favorite song?

"I want to break free."

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

Madeline McCann must have been homeless or something, she was sure eager for the free candy.

Orphans get family-sized chips for free.

Yo mama is so dumb, she spent all her money on free subscriptions!

What is the best thing about a gipsy on her period?

When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.

I don't see why Africans complain about not having water. They have free chocolate milk.

My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"

He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.

The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.

He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.

Nothing is free in this world, including "Free Palestine."

So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.

Nah! You're so poor, you can't afford free stuff!