Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because KFC was offering free seeds.
Become an anti-furry for free KFC and dead orphans in your basement.
I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.
I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.
The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.
The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.
The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"
The bartender agrees without hesitation.
The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.
"WTF!" the man shouts.
The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills, so he asks the bartender if it's a jar of tips. The bartender says no, it's for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, "Well, if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month." So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog. When all is silent, the man walks in and asks, "So where is the fat lady with the tooth?"
Then: You want free candy?
Now: You want free Wi-Fi?
I would like to remind all passengers that this is a no-smoking flight, although do feel free to join me in the cockpit, where we've opened a window.
When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"
Your forehead is so big I could use it to get free TV.
"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."
What do you call a baby on the battlefield?
Free shield!
I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
I was at a bar. The girl said, "Sex, sex, free sex tonight," when she really said, "663629."
What is the best thing about being back?
Free bullets.
What do you call a parent that is pregnant?
Buy one get one free
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.
I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.
