Flight jokes
Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?
A: They get their shit packed the night before.
Kobe Bryant ain’t flying that well anymore.
Q: What did the terrorist say during a plane flight? A: “Wow! This flight is the bomb!”
Why is my plane delayed?
Because someone hit the Sears Tower.
What was the favorite game in 2001? Flight simulator.
Why were the rappers late for their flight?
They forgot to pack.
People told Kobe to fly high. Look what happened.
Kid: Mom! You lied to me!
Mom: When?
Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!
Mom: Sooo?
Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?
Mom: WHAT!!!??!!
I would like to remind all passengers that this is a no-smoking flight, although do feel free to join me in the cockpit, where we've opened a window.
Do you know why Peter Pan is always flying?
Because he Neverlands!
Osama bin laden hit the towers because he couldnt fly straight
I was on a flight to California, but my next in the Empire State Building.
Welcome onboard Sexist Airlines. Everyone, please fasten your seatbelts now as we are switching to a female pilot.
What did the bird say to the other bird?
Nothing, because birds can't talk.
What does a kite and a criminal have in common?
They both get high.
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
What did the airplane say to the paper plane? Why do you look like a wimp?
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window, and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down, and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.” I know.
Wanna hear a plane joke? Nah, it'll just go over your head.
You can only say "Kobe" now when you're playing flight simulator.