Fish jokes
Yo mama so stupid she thought seaweed was something fish smoke.
Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?
A: Eggs.
Did you hear about the nasty tuna fish?
He was rotten to the albacore.
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
Sorry mate
Doctor Seuss break up lines:
"One fish, two fish, blue fish, red fish, I'm breaking up with you, bitch."
You know, life as a pufferfish is tough. They get startled, then they get hard.
Fishing is like sex: when it is great, it is great; when it is not so great, it is still great!
What is shark's favorite day?
Chewsday.
What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start :)
What did the fish say to the other fish?
"I want my life to be H2O-ver!"
What do fish smoke? A puffer.
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
I said to the fish, "I have dam."
Q: Why did baby shark cross the Pacific Ocean?
A: To find his dad.
This had me wheezing 😂🤣😂🤣
Q: What is a clown’s favorite fish?
A: The clownfish.
What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"
Q: Why do Americans fish with guns?
A: To shoot up the whole school.
A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.
Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."
Adam and Eve were sitting on the beach one day, and Eve says to Adam, "Let's go for a swim." Adam replies, "I'm not in the mood."
She says, "Okay, I will go by myself." She puts her toes in the water and splashes around and says, "The water is beautiful, come in!" Adam replies, "Na, still not in the mood."
Eve wades into the water until she gets to her waist. Adam jumps up and yells at Eve standing waist deep and says, "Oh no, now all the fish are gonna smell like that!"