Fish

Fish jokes

Meth

You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.

Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA

Difference

What's the difference between a fish and a car?

You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3

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  • Line

    Doctor Seuss break up lines:

    "One fish, two fish, blue fish, red fish, I'm breaking up with you, bitch."

    Life

    You know, life as a pufferfish is tough. They get startled, then they get hard.

    Sex

    Fishing is like sex: when it is great, it is great; when it is not so great, it is still great!

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  • Shark

    Q: Why did baby shark cross the Pacific Ocean?

    A: To find his dad.

    This had me wheezing 😂🤣😂🤣

    Cat

    Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?

    A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.

    Nemo

    What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"

    Jew

    I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.

    Lawyer

    What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?

    A good start :)

    Life

    What did the fish say to the other fish?

    "I want my life to be H2O-ver!"

    Gun

    Q: Why do Americans fish with guns?

    A: To shoot up the whole school.

    Homeless Man

    I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

    I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

    "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

    "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

    "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

    "Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

    "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

    "Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

    The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"

    I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

    Shark

    A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.

    Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."

    Adam

    Adam and Eve were sitting on the beach one day, and Eve says to Adam, "Let's go for a swim." Adam replies, "I'm not in the mood."

    She says, "Okay, I will go by myself." She puts her toes in the water and splashes around and says, "The water is beautiful, come in!" Adam replies, "Na, still not in the mood."

    Eve wades into the water until she gets to her waist. Adam jumps up and yells at Eve standing waist deep and says, "Oh no, now all the fish are gonna smell like that!"

    Animal

    What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?

    A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.