Fish jokes
Where do you go to get the best fish?
A restaurant on the Titanic.
The Titanic is now a resort for fish.
Q: Why do Americans fish with guns?
A: To shoot up the whole school.
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.
Give a man a poison fish, feed him for a lifetime.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
Baby Shark be like, "It's the END," bruh, they dead.
Why did the fish go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling “eel.”
I wanted to visit my pet fish, but it was hard to sea it through the darkness.
Why did the little boy cry? He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.
What fish sings?
A tuna.
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
What is the difference between tuna, a piano, and glue? You can tuna a piano, but you cannot piano a tuna.
(The person you ask should say what about the glue.) Response: I knew you would get stuck there.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish? A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.
In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.
It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!