What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?
They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Fired Jokes
I got fired for not doing enough work.
Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that walks into a fire?
Hot Wheels.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
A paraplegic after a house fire.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
What did the fox say to the fire?
You look hot!
How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?
You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.
You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.
He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.
You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.
Are you the Lusitania 'cause I wanna fire a torpedo inside you?
Are you the Lusitania 'cause I wanna fire a torpedo into you?
I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.
Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
What do you call California during a forest fire?
Completely normal.
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time it was sung... the line “fire away” caused massive confusion and shooting!
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.
During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.
He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*
What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?
Their last big hit was "Fire on the Mountain."
What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?
Hot Wheels.
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.
