Figure jokes

Hey, I’m George, and this is how to figure out if someone is a psychopath.

Go into someone’s search history, and find “Cuphead ship fanfic”.

Hey George, why do you have Russia x America countryhumans?

"Julius Caesar" isneezer

2 7 73 53.

I'll give you time, figure it out.

I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."

Why did the skeleton die from laughter?

'Cause they broke all his "funny bones!"

"How would you describe a really bad skeleton?"

"Bad to the bone!" (Or "Rotten to the bone" if you want.)

Once upon a time, a donkey was in the jungle. Suddenly, he found a lion costume and then wore it. Then he walked around the forest, and every animal was scared of him. Then he got to the city, and every human was away from him. He was chasing them when he was chasing his owner. He brayed, and then they figured out that this was not a real lion, and then he told everybody about it. Then he berated his donkey.

When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.

I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.

You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!

It would be a miracle if someone figured out the length of your hairline.

Yo forehead is so big, Albert Einstein couldn’t figure out the measurement of it!

I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt, I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said, “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them?” We then decided to aid him.

What did the doc say to the skeleton? You're skele-a-ton.

"What did the zero say to the eight?"

"That belt looks good on you!"

Why did the kid named Jeff become gay? Because he grew up without a father figure. Hahaha, I love dark humor!

Julius's wife always stands behind him. Therefore, whenever he looks in the mirror, he sees her (Caesar).

I just figured out the "X" in Max stands for the button on Tinder every girl wants to press when they see him.

Why doesn’t the orphan have any toys? Because his Lego figures ran away too.

Yo mama's so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out of the way.

Yo mama so fat, she had to have 5 doorways to get anywhere!