Helen Keller

How do you punish Helen Keller? You stick a toilet plunger in the toilet.

Why can't Helen Keller have kids? It went up too far.

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  • 9/11

    Up into the sky so very far, here comes Dr. Seuss! "ALLAHU AKBAR", at the ripe old age of 97, he committed 9/11.

    Dr. Seuss

    Dr. Seuss died September 24, but that was a lie. Dr. Seuss, when he was 97, he stole a plane and the last rhyme he did was “up in the sky so very far he comes, Dr. Seuss allahuakbar.”

    Mile

    Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.

    Death

    I'm gonna jump to my death.

    Don't worry. I won't jump far.

    Just off this chair here...

    Heart Monitor

    Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.

    Hairline

    Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.

    Rape

    What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?

    She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.

    Stoner

    What’s the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?

    A stoner has papers.

    Giraffe

    Why does a giraffe need such a long neck?

    Because its head is so far away from its body.

    Hairline

    Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.