Family jokes
I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."
The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.
“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”
“From my father,” said Johnny.
“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”
“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”
A kid asks his mom what dark humor is.
She says, “You see that man with no arms, tell him to clap.”
“But mom, I’m blind!” says the kid.
“Exactly,” replied the mom.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Your mom.
Q. Why do orphans love elevators?
A. Because they're the only things to raise them.
Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find their way home.
I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.
Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.
Why couldn’t the orphan run away from home?
Because it didn’t have one.
What do you call an orphan?
Kyan.
Your mama is so fat when Santa went down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, ho, holy shit, you're fatter than me, bitch!"
Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!
How do emos propose?
"Would you like to join my family tree?"
I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
"Your mum has very small balls. Congrats! I told her, your balls are bigger than your husband's."
Q: What do you call a virgin from Alabama?
A: An orphan.
What foods are orphans allergic to? Homemade food.
If you can't see your family... you're an orphan.