Family jokes

What do orphans and apples not have in common... The apples get picked up.

I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.

Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.

He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.

Your mom.

I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.

Why is an orphan so bad at baseball?

Because they can't make it to home.

Q: What do you call a tsunami?

A: Your mom's water breaking.

Spy: Hahaha.

Me: What?

Spy: Time to pick up your mother.

Me: Oh no....

How can you make a orphans hand bleed?

Real them to clap until there parent come home.

What did the mom say to the baby?

What do you call your son?

An mistake.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

He thought he saw his mother.

Din mor ligner en banan. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."

Why are orphans so good at tennis?

Answer: Because they never knew what love was.

My brother has a fucking ass and I wake up to him twerking.

"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"

Connor: Hi Mom.

Mom:

Connor: I forgot I'm adopted to 2 dads!

A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."

The other sibling said, "You are, too."

Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."

And the sibling says, "We're twins."

The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."

There is a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking; at least one of them does something.