Family jokes

Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?

Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.

Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

Mom: “Guess where I’m taking you, son!”

Son: “To the playground?”

Mom: “No, to the morgue.”

Why do all orphans have an iPhone X?

Because it doesn't have a home button.

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can’t find home base.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell them to clap until their parents come back.

Why don't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

POV: Your dad is gone.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad. LMAO.

Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.

Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"

And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"

Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?

Shut up and pass me the note.

Mommy, mommy! Are we outlaws? Your stepmom thinks so.

Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?

Shut up and keep sewing!

When the teacher says she'll call your parents but you're an orphan.

"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"

"Only in your dreams."

Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?

"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."

Dad, I love you.

Son, I love you.

I made a website on orphans, sadly it didn't have a homepage.

What's the difference between me and an orphan's parents?

I actually come back with the milk.