Family jokes

My mom said, "Hey, come over here."

I responded, "Too late, Mom!"

Your mum's foreheads.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples are picked.

What was the orphan's favorite cartoon show?

"Fairly OddParents."

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?

Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.

Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell them to clap until their parents come back.

Why don't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

POV: Your dad is gone.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad. LMAO.

Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"

And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"

Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?

Shut up and keep sewing!

"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"

"Only in your dreams."

Dad, I love you.

Son, I love you.

Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"

Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"

Boy: "What do you mean?"

Friend and me: "We can show you."

Me: "I will tie the rope."

Friend: "I will push the chair."

Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.

Next day:

Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?

Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.

The dad sulked for 3 whole years.

Proof that words really can hurt.

Why do orphans die when a tornado comes?

They don't have parents to protect them.

Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.

Family is precious, so you have to keep them away from the sunlight.

Why can't orphans have a home button on their phone?

Because they don't have homes.

What do you call an orphan selfie?

A family photo.