What did Allan say to his sister bully when she stepped on his toe? "Mitosis!"
Hungry: Dad, I'm hungry.
Dad: Hi, Hungry, I'm Dad.
Hungry: Why did you name me like this? :/
If you're ever bored, adopt an orphan. What is he going to do, be kissed by Vedanta?
My brother puts his butt in his face and says, "Kyle, you're cracking me up!"
So my sis thinks she's so smart. She said, "You can finish this move ten minutes later. Go to sleep."
Why didn’t the orphan celebrate their birthday?
Because they didn’t have a mom to birth them.
Hi, I did not text back to text her and dad, now I’m texting her. Now I’m.
Son: I love you, Dad.
Dad gets in car and drives away.
Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?
Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?
Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.
Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.
Son: And you got $0.00.
Why didn't the wife want sex?
Because they were having too many babies.
If your dad said, "Take out the trash," he means to take you out.
My mom gave me a golden shovel and a hoe. I said, "Why do I need this?" She said, "That you every year."
I fucked your mom, that's why I've been paying your life support since you were born.
Little Johnny's father says if them boys say another bad word, I'm going to whoop them, and Little Johnny's brother says, "I'd like some fucking food," and he whooped him, and Little Johnny says, "He would. I'd like some food. At least I didn't—I'd like some fucking food. Bye."
Why can’t orphans f*ck their mom?
Because they don’t have one.
Why can't an orphan be a bully? Because they don't have parents.
Why did the little girl cry twice?
Because you wiped your bloody shitty cock on her favorite teddy bear.
You walk into your grandma's room and you see her naked and she says "Come here grandson." What would you do?
I asked my mom to make me a brat. She was sleepy but I said do it anyway. My mom and my dad had fucked last night so he was on the couch but naked. She took a knife and sliced his dick, then put it on a bun, then ketchup and mustard. I said this tasted funny. She was snoring, then I threw it and said, "EW IS THIS A DICK WHAT THE FUCK AHHH!!!!?!?!!!!"
Ever since that day, they haven't fucked again because he ain't got nun to fuck with.
My penis is too big for my dad to suck it, so my mum sucks it instead.
