Family jokes

Why aren't orphans gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

How are orphans and apples different?

One gets picked.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

You're adopted, do you want to know why? Because you're so ugly.

Why can’t orphans have an iPhone?

Because they can’t find the home button!

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

"Go frick a cow!"

"I already fricked your mother."

Why do orphans suck at baseball? Because they never could play catch.

Mommy?

Why did the grandpa leave the house to go to the grocery store?

To get the ice cream for the grandma.

Orphan: I love abcdefu!

Caretaker: Why? You don't have anyone to flip off.

Why can't an orphan have sex?

They have no one to call "daddy."

What is the difference between an orphan and a bandit?

One's wanted.

Why can't orphans be gay? They don't know their daddy.

Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?

They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.

Sonic says if you're bored, go punch an orphan. I mean, what are they going to do, tell their parents?