Family jokes
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Orphan: Where are my parents?
God: New York City.
Orphan: But they used to live in China.
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang. Unlike its parents, it comes back.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Me and my stepmom went into the forest.
I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.
me eating with my famliy
I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"
I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."
What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?
"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."
Why did the orphan go to church?
Because they need a father.
Why do orphans cry at insurance places?
They got offered the family plan.
Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.
You know I'm not too into black girls, but Kobe's daughter was smoking!
When is it bedtime in the Jacksons' house?
When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚.
What did the orphan say to his father?
Nothing, he doesn't have one.
Why do orphans play GTA? They finally wanted a family.
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't run home.
My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.
My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?
What do you call a cup with a handle?
A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(
Why should you never give an orphan a phone?
Because they wouldn't be able to find the home button.