Family jokes
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
Teacher: I was an orphan when I was younger.
Student: Oof.
Teacher: Is anyone not here?
Student: Yes, your parents.
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
Why does my dad hate me? Really, please tell me, I'm tired of the constant abuse and pain.
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
Max Alexander Heart is adopted.
A homeless kid walked up to another kid and said, "I have what you don't." He said, "(Parents)."
And the kid said, "Your right, I do have parents," and walked away.
Why does that kid have to stay in that orphanage?
He should just go to his mom and dad!
A son asked his mom: "Why are the lines in the LGBTQ community flag straight?"
Why aren’t orphan jokes funny?
The punchline isn’t apparent.
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
Your mama so fat she’s on both sides of the family.
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."
Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.
You wonder and you wonder. Grandma said you better go to bed now. Tell your dad and grandpa, and your dad and your mom.
Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?
It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.
Knock, knock!
"Is that daddy?"
No, but I'm about to be, so get on your knees!