Family jokes
A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog!
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
Mum finds out child cheats in math test.
Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."
Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"
When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.
Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.
I accidentally said, "Go cry to your mom," to an orphan. 😭
I was walking down the hallway at my job when I saw a kid crying.
I asked him where his parents were, and he kept crying.
Man, I love working at the orphanage.
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
Why can’t orphans have milk?
Because their dad never came back.
Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
Orphans are funny cuz all they do is sing "We Are Family."
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
Yo mama so fat, she walked by the TV and I missed 12 episodes!
What's more annoying than uncles?
Ants.
Your family.
Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?
Because they have no Father's or Mother's days.
A couple has sex in the dark every single night.
One night, the wife gets curious about what goes on, so they start f...ing, and she flicks the light on. When she flicks the light on, she catches him with a dildo playing with her pussy. She's so mad that she started ranting and raving. The husband says, "Honey, I know you're mad, and I'll explain the toy. Just do me one favor: explain the children."
I remember asking my mum: "What's a couple?"
She replied, "Two or three."
Which probably explains her collapsed marriage.
Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?
Because daddy never came back home with the milk.
To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.