Family jokes
Little Johnny walked to his parents' room. They were having sex, and Little Johnny didn’t know what that was, so he said, "What are y’all doing?"
The parents replied, "Umm, r-rapping presents!"
Little Johnny said, "Okay," and then left. In the morning, Little Johnny opened his presents. His parents said, "This one is from Santa!"
Little Johnny said, "No, it’s not, y’all said y’all were rapping the presents."
The parents said, "Ohh fuck!"
Little Johnny replied, "What, Mommy and Daddy?" They replied, "Oh, nothing!" "Oh, okay," Little Johnny said. The mom whispered in the dad's ear, "At least he doesn’t know the truth."
Little Johnny said, "What truth?"
Who is Osama Bin Laden’s secret cousin? Barack Obama or Barack Osama Bin Laden?
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they want to be wanted.
What do you call an 18 year old orphan?
Homeless.
Why do orphans never play baseball?
'Cause they can never find home.
Why can't orphans call their friends?
Because they don't have a home phone!
Why can't orphans go on an away trip? Because they already are on one.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.
We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.
Orphan: "Why can’t I watch a PG movie?"
Me: "They are Parental Guidance."
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because he was tired of waiting for the milk.
Yo mama is so fat, she can’t even fit in the suitcase.
When meeting her parents doesn't require you to leave the house.
If anyone's gonna be fuckin' my sister, it's gonna be ME!
My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."
Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.
What do they call Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson's son? The Pebble.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Dad, why are we here?
Because you're not loved.
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”