Family jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Your mom who?
O shit, my mom's home! Honey, get the f*** out of my house!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they have no home to go to.
I made Google Earth for orphan kids.
Sadly, it does not show where home is.
Why do orphans hate baseball?
They don’t know what home base is.
What is the difference between an orphan and Pokemon?
People choose Pokemon.
When your mom pulls the "I put food on the table, I put clothes on your back, I put a roof over your head" card.
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Why do orphans love McDonald's?
Because the initials are like "mother" and "father."
What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?
OH it's a bitch.
So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.
The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.
Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.
Years later:
Dad still did not come back.
What’s the difference between 69 and a family reunion?
You only see one asshole in 69.
My wife cheated on me with my brother.
She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.
When does a kid become an orphan?
When the parents leave.
What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?
Nothing, he just started wanking.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They don’t know where home plate is.
My girlfriend's last words:
"I can’t wait to become a mom!"
What did the father name his daughter with no legs?
Peggy.
My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.