Family jokes
I figure it's ok to hit orphans.
What are they gonna do? Go tell their parents?
Why can't orphans use iPhones?
They can't find the home button.
Orphan: Am going to see my mom in the kitchen because they are always in there.
Orphan: Realizes.
Why did the orphan cry? Because he was an orphan and he watched his parents die.
Why can't the orphan go on a field trip?
Because he can't sign the parent's signature.
A phone is like parents. Not everyone has one.
I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.
I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.
What’s an orphan's favorite game?
Catch.
Orphans and Chinese people can’t play baseball. The orphans can’t find home, and the Chinese kid will eat the bat.
I went to a funeral to revive my dead grandmother with the Reboot Card, but my family was upset!
Yo mama's so big, her belt size is "equator."
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
Did you know Helen Keller had a sister?
Neither did she.
Last night little Johnny went to his room and saw people hanging out there, little balls.
Your dad must be a mailman.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because there is no home plate.
What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
Adopted kid: I made a big mistake!
Dad: You are one.