Family jokes
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apes get picked.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.
Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.
Mommy, Mommy! Are we dragons?
Shut up and don’t breathe on the drapes.
What's a name orphans hate to be called?
"Homie."
Once upon a time, there was a woman named Sarah who woke up one morning to find her husband and his wheelchair missing. She searched high and low, but they were nowhere to be found. Desperate to find them, she put up posters all over town offering a reward.
Why do orphans like to be gay?
So they can call someone "daddy."
You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."
A happy mother: "Why is your sister so quiet?! And how did you get super glue stuck on your penis?!"
Bored? Punch an orphan! Who are they gonna tell, their parents?
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
Annie.
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.
Family feud after finding out about Alabama.
Well, at least my adoption fee cost more than you.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.
Why can't orphans hit a home run?
Because they don't have a home to run to...
New Gen iPhones are designed for orphans, because they don’t need a home button.
Kid: What is between mom's legs?
Dad: Paradise.
Kid: What's between your legs?
Dad: The key to paradise.
Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.
Why do orphans cry?
Because they got no family.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.