Family jokes

I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.

How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home!

What's the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked.

What did mum say when grandpa called?

Boomerang.

Why do orphans like fucking other dads?

Because they get to have a daddy.

An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"

Why can't orphans play baseball?

'Cause they can never score home.

Why aren't orphans gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

How are orphans and apples different?

One gets picked.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

You're adopted, do you want to know why? Because you're so ugly.

Why can’t orphans have an iPhone?

Because they can’t find the home button!

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

"Go frick a cow!"

"I already fricked your mother."

Why do orphans suck at baseball? Because they never could play catch.

Mommy?