Family jokes
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're not wanted.
What's the difference between milk and my dad?
Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA? They aren't wanted!
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
Apples get picked.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
me eating with my famliy
An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"
Why was the orphan's first phone an XR?
Because it had no home button.
So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.
My dad left me.
What can Miles Morales do that Spiderman can't?
Hug his parents.
I swear I witnessed your nana fall down the stairs.
L
I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.
Why couldn't the orphanage win the baseball game?
Answer: They couldn't find home base.
Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?
Friends: What?
Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.
So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.
“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.
“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.
So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”
“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”
Why can’t orphans fly? Because they’re still winging it.
If you punch an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What do you call an orphan taking a picture with it's family?
A self-fie.
My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"
I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.
AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!