Family jokes
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh for god's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.
The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Why can't an orphan be in a Scream movie?
It's always someone you know.
Why do orphans like Monopoly?
To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy/mommy."
Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.
Why do orphans watch "The Nightmare Before Christmas"?
Answer: Oogie Boogie is ugly, so they want to be ugly.
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!
Never let an orphan watch Fast and the Furious.
All they will talk about is how great their family is.
Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.
You know why you never wanna fly with an orphan?
'Cause then they know they won't die alone.
What did the orphan say to the bowling ball?
"I am orphan!"
"You are bowling ball!"
What is an orphan's favorite day?
Tomorrow: that is when the sun will come out.
His name is "Daddy!" HELP!
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Why did my dad leave me and my mum?
I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"