Family jokes

Why can't an orphan be gay?

Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy". (My bad if this offended anyone.)

What does a lesbian call the other during sex?

Mummy.

My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

The greatest bond you will ever have is the one with your conjoined twin.

What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?

They both cannot see their family.

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."

Why did he kill himself?

Because he is adopted to a fat man who farts.

My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.

What did Onett and Threed reply to their child?

"I love you Twoson."

Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.

What do orphans in Batman have in common? They'll never see their parents again.

My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.

Ur mom.

Oh wait, you don't have one.

I made a website for orphans.

There’s no homepage.

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

What do you call two men fucking? My dad and I. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Why do orphans die young?

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

You want to hear a dirty joke?

This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.

What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she looked at the mirror, I cracked up.