Family jokes
Why don't orphans understand dad jokes?
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is...
Why is an orphan bad at hide-and-seek?
Because nobody will actually look for them.
Why couldn't the twins never do anything right?
Because they were triplets!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Billy: "I'm so used to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long-distance relationship."
Sally: "Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall..."
Me: "My grandpa killed 100 nazis."
My friend: "Well, my grandpa killed Hitler."
Yo mama so fat I can see where you got in from now.
Mom: Anna, let your younger brother have the sled one half of the time, and you the other half. That way it will all be fair, and I don't have to put up with this crying. I've already got seven others to take care of.
Anna: I do, Mom. I have Fred (younger brother) go up, and I go down!
Mom: Good. Now how 'bout the rest of you go play outside? It's beautiful out there! It's the warmest it's been all year, 45 degrees below 0!
Kids: Wow! I never thought it would warm up! I love Alaska!
You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.
Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?
A. The anti-Family Guy episode.
I dicked your mom down so good, bitch!
How do you circumcise a redneck?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
Why do kids like to pick on orphans?
Because they can't call their parents.
I was the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"
Stop it with the "yo mama" jokes. They are just offensive.
Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not."
I got kicked off Ancestry for asking if anyone wants to fuh.
Why is dark spelt with a K and not a C?
Because they can’t see their parents.