Family jokes
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy/mommy."
Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.
Why do orphans watch "The Nightmare Before Christmas"?
Answer: Oogie Boogie is ugly, so they want to be ugly.
Memes
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!
What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?
Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.
Never let an orphan watch Fast and the Furious.
All they will talk about is how great their family is.
What's the difference between an orphan and Daniel Larusso?
At least Daniel has a mom.
How do I make my dick disappear?
I put it in your dad.
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home!
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
What did mum say when grandpa called?
Boomerang.
Why do orphans like fucking other dads?
Because they get to have a daddy.
An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can never score home.
Why aren't orphans gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Why did my dad leave me and my mum?
I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"