Family jokes
Why do orphans not like the movie Frozen?
Because for them, love isn't an open door.
His gay ass dad.
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"
So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)
Do not tell an orphan family meeting; they wouldn't get it.
What do Bob Ross's painting and the orphanage have in common?
They're both filled with happy little accidents.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
*Son comes out as gay*
Me: What's 17 more years?
Some people think incest jokes are funny.
I just think it's all relative.
My sister reminds me of 911: one moan of "OMG" got everyone's attention.
What is an orphan's favorite movie? Spider-Man: Homecoming.
Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.
Why can’t the orphan play baseball?
It can’t find home.
I have a stepladder. My real ladder left for milk and never came back.
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
What's an orphan's least favorite day? Take your kid to work day.
I was naughty at school and my teacher said she's going to tell my dad. I was like, "Who's that?"
My grandfather said that ppl rely on technology too much these days, so I thought about what he said and decided to unplug his life support.
I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
Little Johnny was playing with his train and said, "All you motherf*ckers who want to get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who want to get on, get on." His mother hears him and asks, "Is that you cussing?" The mother said, "Go to your room for 1 hour." Little Johnny goes to his room, then comes back one hour later and said, "All you motherf*ckers who wanna get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who wanna get on, get on, and if you wanna know about the 1 hour delay, go ask the b*tch in the kitchen."