Family jokes
My teacher said, "Say welcome to our new student; he's an orphan." The teacher said, "Is anyone missing?" I said, "That kid's parents."
Why can't orphans sign up for sports?
They have to have a parent's signature.
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
Why does an orphan not play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
What is the difference between a tree and "walk walk home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk home"?
Was your birthday?
Memes
Hollow Knight Meme
Brother: Your eyebrows look hella bad.
Sister: I don’t even think you know what eyebrows are supposed to look like because you have none.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can’t find home.
Kid at school tells an orphan, "I fucked your mom."
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband, Harry?
She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Hendersons.
Why can't orphans go to field trips?
Parent Signature_________________
What do orphans do when they get a phone? They press the home button.
Who's the smallest wife??
Micro-wife.
My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.
Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" and the man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon!"
Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she is a MILF. My mom said to me, "What is a MILF?" so I said, "Mother I'd Like TO F-ck." So my mom started to laugh and said, "Well, you do need a new step dad."
Where do you think all the orphans went?
In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.
When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"
What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?
Your nan's a GILF!
What is the difference between you and my dad?
Nothing.
My daughter is super smart! She pours her own drinks on the floor.