Family jokes

Orphans are human too! They have parents like all of us, so I don't know why they're saying it's fun to make fun of an orphan. Have you ever been too cold and wondered if your parents are going to have another child and not you? That's not funny! It is %9000,000 NO!!!!!!!!!!

One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.

I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.

AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!

My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.

Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!

This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?

Your mom has a bone to pick with me.

Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she is a MILF. My mom said to me, "What is a MILF?" so I said, "Mother I'd Like TO F-ck." So my mom started to laugh and said, "Well, you do need a new step dad."

Where do you think all the orphans went?

In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.

I f..... Nan and dust came out. 😂

I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" and the man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon!"

What is the difference between a tree and "walk walk home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk home"?

Was your birthday?

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

They can’t find home.

Why can't orphans go on a field trip?

They need their parents' permission. 😆😆😆😆😆😆

Why can't orphans go to field trips?

Parent Signature_________________

What do orphans do when they get a phone? They press the home button.

Who's the smallest wife??

Micro-wife.

What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?

Your nan's a GILF!

When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"

Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."