Family jokes
When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.
I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.
What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?
OH it's a bitch.
I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Your mom." "Your mom who?" "It's not your mom, it's my mom!"
What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
Jose and Hose B.
What's orphans' favorite game? Housekeeping.
Why do the orphans not play baseball?
They can never find home.
Why do orphans love to go to church?
Because they can finally call someone "father!"
Why are orphans lucky?
Because when they drive, they don’t need a license plate, because they don’t have a home.
Why do orphans suck at baseball?
Because they can't run home.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Most people don't realize this, but the F in orphan stands for family.
Why do orphans hate Batman the movie?
Because at least he gets noticed by people, and also he stole their life story!
I was raised as an only child.
Which really annoyed my twin sister.
I ate my mom.
What does an orphan say after a kid makes a "yo mama" joke?
"I don’t have a mama."
Teacher: What is your least favorite holiday?
Orphan: National Forgive Your Mom And Dad Day.
Teacher: Why is that your least favorite?
Orphan: Because I don't have any parents to forgive.
Teacher: *tries to hold back* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Why is it better to date an orphan?
Their parents are never home.
You're so skinny my grandma gonna use you like a cane.