Family jokes

What's the difference between my dad and Nemo?

I don't know. I still haven't found them.

Why can't an orphan go to college?

He needs a parent signature.

Why do orphans play GTA?

So they can get wanted.

Why do orphans want to get married so bad?

To have someone to call "daddy."

Son: Dad, I need a new butt.

Dad: Why, son?

Son: Because mine has a huge crack in it.

Why do orphans like boomerangs?

Because then they can play catch.

So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"

Why can't he say that?

Answer: He works at an orphanage.

You should always be happy about family and love.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

My teacher said, "Say welcome to our new student; he's an orphan." The teacher said, "Is anyone missing?" I said, "That kid's parents."

Why can't orphans sign up for sports?

They have to have a parent's signature.

My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.

He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"

Why does an orphan not play baseball?

Because they can’t find home.

What is the difference between a tree and "walk walk home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk home"?

Was your birthday?

Brother: Your eyebrows look hella bad.

Sister: I don’t even think you know what eyebrows are supposed to look like because you have none.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

They can’t find home.

Kid at school tells an orphan, "I fucked your mom."

Orphan: "What's a mom?"

Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband, Harry?

She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Hendersons.