Family jokes

Yo mama so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."

My dad was a great pilot...

He died in 9/11.

Yo dad is so hairy, people chased him because they thought he was Bigfoot.

"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."

Yo mama's teeth are so yellow kids thought they were mini school buses.

Had an amazing night with this girl, woke up, and it was my aunt. Now I’m in love.

What is the difference between an orphan's dad and a boomerang?

Oh... one comes back.

This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?

I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.

AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!

Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

'Cause they don't know where home is.

My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.

Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!

Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she is a MILF. My mom said to me, "What is a MILF?" so I said, "Mother I'd Like TO F-ck." So my mom started to laugh and said, "Well, you do need a new step dad."

What’s the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer.

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Dad!

Dad who?

Silence.

Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.

I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" and the man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon!"

I f..... Nan and dust came out. 😂

When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."

Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband, Harry?

She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Hendersons.