Family jokes

I remember asking my mum: "What's a couple?"

She replied, "Two or three."

Which probably explains her collapsed marriage.

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

I made a website for orphans, unfortunately it doesn’t have a homepage.

What’s fat, brown, and has no dad?

Ama

My grandpa and your hairline go way back.

I would rather do my own laundry, not my uncle's laundry, because I ain't no damn butler like Alfred from Batman. I don't live in no damn Batcave by Gotham tity.

Why can't orphans go to a school field trip?

Because he needs the parent's signature.

Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!

I saw a little boy begging for money.

I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yes, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents!"

I got stuck in the dryer again. Brother, say less.

Keep smearing that make-up around your face, maybe you'll get somewhere with it.

If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.

If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.

An orphan went on a game show.

The host looked at him and said, "You can't play, this is Family Feud."

Why did the orphan cross the road?

Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)

Why do orphans hate cricket?

Because they can't get a "homerun."

Why doesn't the orphan date the girl?

Because she is a home-y.

My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"

Orphan's prayer: In the name of the Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit. Amen.

Why can’t orphans play baseball??

Because they can’t find their way to home plate.

Why can’t an orphan play baseball? Because they can’t find home.