Family jokes

Yo momma's so hairy that when the baby came out, it got rug burn.

Ur mom gay.

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."

Yo' mama is so stupid, she couldn't find a needle in a haystack.

Yo mama so ugly, she made everybody's face fall off.

My family.

What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?

It's none of your business!

A baby is like another step. You use it just the same as the other steps.

Your dad must be a mailman.

Why is daonlyjuanhere an orphan?

Because he is the only one.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they don’t know where home is...

Why can’t I drive? 'Cuz my dad never showed me how, yet.

My brothers kept annoying me.

I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.

It was an empty threat—right after I was done.

Knock knock, Who's there? Dad. You came back?

What did the stepdad say to the flower? You're grounded!

Damn boy, you must be Nick Cannon because you don’t know when or how to stop.

I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.

He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.

Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.

Does a midget count as an orphan?

My father was a great pilot. He died on 9/11.