Family jokes

Why are orphans bad at baseball?

Because they don’t know where home is.

Why is the iPhone X best for orphans?

There is no home button.

Why do orphans love tennis? It's the only love they get.

In tennis, 0 points is love.

Why can’t orphans go on field trips? Because they need parent permission.

Why did the orphans go to the church?

Because they need someone to call "father."

Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."

Do not tell an orphan family meeting; they wouldn't get it.

Yo mama is so stupid, she thought keeping you was a good idea!

My parents raised me as an only child, which infuriated my sister.

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?

He didn't come back with the milk.

What's the difference between me and cancer?

Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?

About nine months and a day.

At what point does a joke become a dad joke?

When it disappears and never returns home.

What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?

Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”

Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.

To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."

Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.

The dad finally came back with the milk!

Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.

What is the difference between your dad and a video game?

Your dad doesn’t beat you.