Family jokes
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.
So sad that orphans can't watch Family Feud. 😔
Why do shows have a family? Because they are "Pair-rents"!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
Why was the orphan so successful?
When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.
Orphan: But why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
I'm making a website for orphans. [I] won't add the home page.
What film do orphans hate?
"Instant Family."
Why do orphans have criminal records?
So they can be wanted.
Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.
Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can’t find home.
Me: Hey, are your parents here?
Orphan: (crying) STOP CALLING HERE!
Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home base.
Why do dads take time to get?
Milk?
I got $1,000,000 for my brother. Best trade I ever made!
Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.