Family jokes
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.
What are three things the Twin Towers have in common with my dad? They are big, sexy, and smashed your mom.
One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."
His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."
Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"
Why did your daddy not come back with the milk?
Because you have no dad because your dad never loved you.
When you ask an orphan to come over:
Kid: "Do you want to come over to my house?"
Orphan: "Yeah, sure."
Kid: "Ok, ask your parents—oh wait."
Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?
Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.
Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?
Dad?
I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!
Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!
Your mom and dad are never coming back because dad is cumming for another kid.
Why did the orphan cry? Because he was an orphan and he watched his parents die.
Why don’t orphans play poker?
'Cause they don’t know what a full house is.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
They don't have anyone to call "daddy."
Why can't orphans get a job?
Because they don't have a home.
What did the dad say when he left the lollipop store?
"Cya suckers!🍭"
Why can't Orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
Yo mama is so fat that when she walked past the TV, I missed three episodes.
Kid: Knock, knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Kid: Not your parents.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. My dad is gone to...