Family jokes
As a son, I set up a home date with my mom and my friend because I was going out of town. I set it up by telling my friend that my mom thinks he is cute, and I told my mom that my friend thinks that she is hot.
I came home the next day. I see in the living room my friend giving it to my mom doggy style. I ask what's going on. My mom said to me, "Meet your new daddy," then my friend said, "Hey son, get me a beer from the fridge."
My sister and a basketball got certain things in common.
My sister's tits and ass are bouncy like a basketball.
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for his birthday?
Because the iPhone X doesn't have a home button.
I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.
Me: Hey, you want to hear a dark joke?
Brother: Sure.
Me: Turn off the light.
Why do orphans always come back?
Because I love cock.
Queen Elizabeth came back before your dad did.
My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.
Now, my wrists look like a tiger.
Why can’t orphans go on school field trips?
Parent Signature: ______
During a phone call:
"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"
"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."
Your mom's hot.
What’s the difference between cotton and an orphan?
One gets picked.
What do you call an orphan with no relatives?
An orphan with no relatives.
Yo mama so fat, she walked by the TV and I missed 12 episodes!
What do Helen Keller and orphans have in common?
Neither of them can see or hear their parents.
I swear I always finish on page 3 when I'm looking at family pictures.
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
Q: What do you call a virgin from Alabama?
A: An orphan.
I saw a kid crying and I asked him where his parents are.
I love my job at the orphanage.