Family jokes
How to make an orphan BLEED?
Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.
Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.
Step 3 - Tell them to kys.
Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.
I cried when my dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.
I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.
Why does an orphan commit a crime?
Because it wants to be wanted.
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.
Your dad died of hunger on the journey to find the milk.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,
"Please send me a sibling!"
Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"
Why was the first orphan phone an iPhone X?
Because it doesn't have a home button.
Person: You can't kill an orphan!
Me: What are they going to do, go tell their parents?
Why is an orphan's least favorite day field trip day?
Because they can't get a parent's signature.
Why can't orphanages play baseball?
Because there's no home to go to.
Why can’t orphans get married in Alabama?
Because they don’t have a sister.
What does the F in orphan stand for?
FAMILY 😭😭
*IT'S DEPRESSING THIS PAGE EXISTS*
I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.
Did you know that the F in orphan means family?
There's no F in orphan?
Exactly.
Why can you bully an orphan?
Because they can’t tell their parents.
You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"
There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"
She replies with, "These are my headlights."
He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."
So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."
Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"
What do you call Moby Dick's dad?
Papa Boner.
What is the difference between an orphan's dad and a boomerang?
Oh... one comes back.