Family jokes

My brother truly is a numbskull.

A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"

Two pedos are on the beach.

One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"

My brother

She was only a potato chip manufacturer's daughter--but she was Frito-Lay!

Yo mama so fat that she should be worried for her health and go see a doctor.

I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"

My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.

Which sex position produces the ugliest children?

Go ask your mother.

Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.

Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.

My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.

What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.

What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"

Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!

I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.