Family jokes
My son asked me, “What is angel cake made of?”
I reply by listing the ingredients in Mr. Kipling angel cakes. Then he shouts “STOP!” I stop as I reach food colorings. He slowly crawls towards me and says in a whisper, “Well, in my angel cake, I put angels in them.”
I freaked out about this, so I calmed down and asked who did you put in this angel cake. He said, “Grandma, the one who died last Saturday.”
I have a daughter; she’s a fan. Her name is Penny. Fan she was born on the mountain Pen y Fan. I adopted her because her mum fell off the cliff after birthing Penny. It doesn’t matter, really; Penny’s mum wasn’t a big fan of her anyway.
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
Horror movies don't scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Q: What did the little girl say to her leper daddy?
A: "Oops, I got your nose!"
How did the guy greet his wife?
"Howdy, sister!"
Why are orphans called orphans?
'Cause they're gay.
I dicked your mom down so good, bitch!
Sisters before misters.
I hope you get better.
I love you.
Uh, uh, fuck me, daddy!
Teacher: *Reads mythological story about a cyclops*
Me: Does he have one eye cause he's from an incestual family in Alabama?
I f..... Nan and dust came out. 😂
The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂
My brother puts his butt in his face and says, "Kyle, you're cracking me up!"
Female Rights?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."
Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"
Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."
Why do orphans go to church?
It’s the only place they can call someone “father.”
Orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets 'em.
(Also, I banged ya mum ;))