Family jokes
Teachers: Do you give your mother that attitude?
Orphan: ...
So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."
So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."
My dad was on a hotdog with ketchup.
What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?
John fucked them both in the rear.
What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.
On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
What do you call your son?
An mistake.
How many fat people are in my house?
20, counting the kids in the basement.
What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."
When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
When you go to your girlfriend's house but accidentally go into her dad's room and fuck him anyway.
Your mom is a mom!
I would tell you a story of my dad... If I knew who he was.
I saw a petition on replacing gravestones with trees so it will be a beautiful forest.
Son: Where's grandma?
Question: What did the sun say to the little star?
Answer: Are you my SUN?
Why can't orphans play online games? Because they don't have parents to sign them up.
Why hasn't my dad come back? No seriously, I'm not joking.