I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"
Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
Yo mama so ugly that when she was born, the doctor looked at her face, then at her butt and said, "Twins!"
There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"
"I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.
"I want to be a hunter."
"Why?" the other babies ask.
"I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."
My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"
Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"
My wife was going to have an abortion and I have cancer.
Ha Ha Ha
I thought it was funny.
I impaled my son with a pitchfork...
He looks very sharp.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.
Mom: Shut up and keep digging.
So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.
Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
Your mom gay.
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
I'm serious, what's a "dad?"
What is a "dad?"
What did the skeleton say before dinner? "Bone appetit." His whole family found that humerus.
