Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
Ya nan!
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her, and told her never to play with matches again.
A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire, and the house burned down.
Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors', her mother told her: "If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home!"
Little Natalie just cackled with delight because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly? ... Kick his sister in the jaw.
Teacher: Kids, what are some things you have that make you happy? Kid 1: I have my family to make me happy. Kid 2: I have my friends to make me happy. Teacher: What about you, Sean? Sean: I have to take pills to make me happy...
A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."
Yo mama such a quitter, she di[ed].
Q: Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family reunion?
A: Because it will eat your "aunts."
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
How did the Asian couple name their child?
They dropped pots and pans down the stairs and listened to the noises.
Is it just me, or when you wipe your ass too deep, it reminds you of your uncle? Just me?
I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
I fucc mi brother.
Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis?
A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.
OK, there are at least 3 pedophiles in your neighborhood.
But there are no pedophiles in my neighborhood; there are only three 10-year-old girls with juicy asses.
Yo mama's like a fridge, she breaks down when she loses her cool.
