Family jokes
My parents came back from their vacation in Florida, and all I got is this lousy nursemaid from Miami named mammie.
"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."
Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?
Why do orphans use iPhone X's?
Because they can't find home.
What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.
I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
So my sis thinks she's so smart. She said, "You can finish this move ten minutes later. Go to sleep."
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What do you think of your mom? I can do it.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because they don't know where home is.
Why can’t orphans have a horse?
Because they run away like their mum did.
Cow A: I slept with your sister!
Cow B: Never knew my brother was a girl!
All the other cows:
:O
Why can’t someone say "ur mums gay" to an orphan? Because he doesn’t have a mum.
Why are orphans terrible at baseball? They never get home runs.
Why can’t an orphan have a dog? It always runs away.
Why doesn’t the orphan have any toys? Because his Lego figures ran away too.
Why do orphans go to church so they can call someone "father?"
Why do orphans go to church?
They go there to finally call someone "father."
Cool kid: I slept with your sister.
Me: Never knew my brother was a girl.
Everyone else: :O
He said he didn't want to be my brother anymore.
He's now my sister.
Orphans and homeless people are the same thing.