Yo mama so fat that she should be worried for her health and go see a doctor.
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.
Which sex position produces the ugliest children?
Go ask your mother.
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"
Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!
I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.
She was eaten by a giant crab.
Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.
I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.
"Son, I found a condom in your room."
"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"
"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"
"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
