Karens yell, I scream, my mum fucks me.
Family Jokes
I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.
Sometimes I feel ugly, but then I think of my sister and feel better.
Your mom's so fat, the photo from last Christmas is still printing!
I almost got caught watching porn. My mom got the bill for the account, but luckily dad had my back. I mean, we do use the same account.
Nobody really liked our fireplace.
So I turned it into a brick pizza oven. Idk why, but now everyone likes our fireplace.
Your mom is ugly.
Stevie Wonder is a terrible father.
He never sees his kids.
What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")
I went up to an orphan and asked where their parents were--they stared.
I hate family reunions.
I see too many of my ex's there.
What’s the difference between 69 and a family reunion?
You only see one asshole in 69.
Mom: Hey you! What are you doing?!
Me: Nothing, why?
Mom: You're supposed to do your ______.
Me that/every night: *sob*
Friends: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, fine.
Me in head: Or maybe I'm not okay...
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em!
Cooper, your mum gay, lol.
Yo mama so fat, she died!
Why do orphans play GTA 5?
To get wanted!
What's the difference between my dad cumming and cancer?
Nothing, they both stain.
Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.
So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...
