Family

Family jokes

I will never forget my mother and father's last words.

"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"

Why are orphans so famous for their jokes?

Because everyone says go big or go home!

Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang, because it came back unlike their parents.

A sister went to her brother's room and says,

"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

"Yes, sis."

"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)

"My pet snake."

"Can I pet it?"

"Yes."

He wakes up in a hospital.

"What happened?"

"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."

"You dummy!"

"Whaaat?"

You see, my son is very into astronomy.

Son: How do stars die?

Dad: Usually overdose, son.

I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.

One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.

What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common?

Once they're gone, they never come back.

What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.

  • 4

    • I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

    Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was and pointed to me. I pushed him out of the car, and my other boyfriend took the front seat.

    I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

    Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was.

    Teacher: Where is your slip so I can see you can come on this trip?

    Orphan: Parent signature: ___________