You take a plane from Australia. Your mom is American, your dad is British, and your brother (and you) is Canadian (well, because they traveled along many places). You are eating dinner, but you realized you were going to Europe.
You went sleepy, and you forgot your pet named "Strallia." But she could not go anyways, so you had to leave her. When you went to Europe, you were in the "COUNTRY-SIDE."
I went down to my fridge to grab my dinner. I said to the children, "Who's next?"
Dark humor is like a dad - not everyone gets it.
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.
I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.
I was raised an only child, which really pissed my brother.
Quiet kid: "I'm home!"
Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"
Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"
When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?
Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
Dad: Ok kids, this selfie will just be me! *screen cracks*
What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan?
The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!
Yo momma's so fat that she got married to diabetes!
Bob: Siri, call 666!
*dialing noises*
Bob: Hello?
Bob's dad: Hi!
I never knew what my dad's job was.
One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"
My dad answered...
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!
What did me and my uncle call hide and seek? Naked and afraid.
Congratulations! 10 years+ record of hide and seek with your parents, and they're still hiding!
They hide so well, they probably forgot about you. Mwah. <3
