Family jokes
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
I go to get my mail.
Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"
Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"
Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.
GURL
Dad, why are we here?
Because you're not loved.
I nailed my sister's... picture on the wall.
You dirty-minded bastard!
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
My dad and I were fishing one day.
That’s where he met my stepmom.
Do you ever wonder why orphans buy small cereal boxes? It's because they can't get family size.
When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"
Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?
Son: Dad, how was I born?
Dad: Your mum's a hoe.
Son: OK, what's a hoe?
Dad: Your mum.
I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan?
An orphan.
Why can an orphan relate to a pack of bananas?
Because they both split away from their family.
Me: Mom, stop, you are not funny. You never make jokes.
Mom: I made you.
What's the difference between your mom and a troll?
Nothing, they both look the same.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apes get picked.
Yo mama looks like the dinosaur from Lilo & Stitch.