Family jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find their way home.
What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"
Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse.
Would you help your uncle "Jack" off the horse?
Your uncle Jack is stuck on the horse...
Would you help him jack off the horse?
My grandpa lost his toe today. 😔
Nvm, we found it. It's in his TOEtruck.
Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.
Dad: Alive.
Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).
Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.
Mother: Alive...
Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.
Kariana: Dad and mom, what is this bullshit?
Treon: How did you find that?!
Kariana: It was under the cabinet where you told me to put the streamers. I found these under the cabinet, did she have another sister you didn't tell me about? Now tell the truth, or else!
Petina: Now what have we told you about going into things that are not yours!
Kariana: I just told you to say the fricking truth, now who is Faineni? Where is she? Who is she? What is her date of birth? Why do I have her bra under here and why....IS IT UNDER THE FRICKING CABINET!!!!! ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!!
Treon: We can't!
Kariana: BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.
Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Well just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!
David’s parents have three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what’s the name of the third son?
Answer: David.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball? They don't know where home is.
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
What did the orphan say when his mum asked, "What do you want for dinner?"
He replied, " "
In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
I go to get my mail.
Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"
Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"
Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.
GURL
Dad, why are we here?
Because you're not loved.
I nailed my sister's... picture on the wall.
You dirty-minded bastard!
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?