Family jokes
I like chips.
I'm pregnant.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they miss Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.
Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.
You are adopted.
No cap. No one loves you.
Bye.
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful fuck just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
If an orphan got hit, will they go tell their parents?
Hippity hoppity, you are no one's property.
Wanna hear a joke? Your dad leaving you, you sad clown!
What am I doing?
Your mom.
*Son comes out as gay*
Me: What's 17 more years?
Little Johnny is walking in the hallway and goes in his brother's room and catches him watching something, so he asks, "What you watching?" His brother replies, "Nothing," and drops his phone. But then he gets a text from his teacher, who texted him a picture of her naked, saying, "After school come fuck me." So Johnny looks and says, "Ew, I'm telling Mom," and he ran with his brother's phone and showed his mom, and his mom said, "Ok, Johnny, I'll take care of you brother," and she told him to leave, and he did.
And his brother ran in his mom's room naked, and his mom said, "Oh, that's big. How about you do what your teacher told you to do to her, to me?" And a few hours later, Johnny heard weird noises coming from the room, so he walked in and saw them (his brother and mom) having sex, so he closed the door and walked away.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
At least one of them gets picked.
When I was 14, my mum caught me wanking, and she slapped me across the face. A couple weeks later, my dad caught me having a beer, and he made me drink 40 beers. I just thought, "Well, I'm glad he didn't catch me wanking."
Man: Hey kids, who wants milk?
Kids: Me!
Man: *unzips fly*
What do you call a dad in the mirror?
(Your imagination.)
What is an orphan's favorite event?
Homecoming.
Orphan: Help, I'm lost.
Someone: Wears your parents.
Orphan: >:(
Baby (DYM 108).
Why can't orphans never run all the bases in baseball? Because they can never make it home.